Search My Blog

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Battling with weight

I have always been a large & curvy girl. I would classify myself as an emotional eater. I eat when I am sad, happy, excited or even worried.

Back in 2006/2007 while at university, I started The Cambridge Diet and within 6 months I had reached my goal weight of 10 stone with a BMI of 24; I was full of self confidence and even took up a bit of modelling! It was great not being classified as OBESE.

During the last few weeks of my first year at university my hair became thin and I thought I had alopecia. I went along to my doctors and she said she would need to rule out pregnancy. I laughed and said "Ok, but there is no chance as I am on the pill". Within minutes of doing a test it turned positive. The doctor seems shocked and carried out another just to be certain. Again, this turned positive! I couldn't believe it. She felt my stomach and said I couldn't have been any more than a few weeks as I was not showing. She booked me in for a scan the following week.

I could not get my head around being pregnant. I didn't know what to tell my family. What would they think? I had just completed my first year at university; I didn't want to let them down. So, I said nothing until I had the scan. In my mind I would have an abortion if I was under 6 weeks.

Scan day came around quickly; as soon as the ultrasound wand touched my tummy, I looked at the screen and saw a perfect little baby with arms, legs and a strong heart beat. The technician confirmed I was around 18 weeks pregnant. I couldn't believe it. There was no way after seeing the little baby on the screen I could go through with an abortion. I had NO bump, I was STILL taking the pill and I had been out drinking over the easter bank holiday weekend.

I knew I would have to tell my Mum soon as I wasn't sure how long it would be before I started showing. I remember telling my Mum while standing at the top of the stairs; her reaction was totally unexpected. She was pleased to be a Nanny!

After I had Jack in December 2008 I was determined to loose the "baby weight" which I had gained. I wanted to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But thats when I was diagnosed with postnatal depression. I was lucky to have the support of my Mum and my Health Visitor. But thats when the weight started creeping on. The more weight I put on, the less motivated I was to do anything about it. My relationship with food had become a tasty habit which needed to stop. 

I started to become more and more depressed. I'd stay in the house all the time and I turned down many social invitations. I didn't want to be seen. I felt like everyone was staring and judging me over my weight.

I have tried many different popular diets; but the weight still was creeping on. I felt embarrassed being weighed in front of a group of strangers, and I was always the girl with the most to lose. A lot has been going on with my life and it wasn't until today that I realised I NEED to do something about my weight. I am no longer happy & confident with myself.

Today, I feel I have taken the right steps and I am going to loose this weight.
I am back on The Cambridge diet. I am not doing this for anyone but myself; it's my choice and I truly want to be successful.

No comments: